"I thought I was in trouble, but it turned out I just crapped my pants."
"Hey green thing on my shoulder, can you pick the wax out of my ear?"
"If I were a cowboy... ok, stop there. That would never happen!"
"I am there like a white man. I am white so I'll be there."
"Today I trimmed my foot fungus."
"Tomorrow I will cut the weeks worth of Cling-On's out of my crack."
"Sometimes I pretend I'm a famous actor and that no one really cares."
"I love watching the people run from one subway to the next."
"I take joy in other peoples pain." (I told that to a Kamloops radio station when they asked me why I was shopping on Christmas Eve.)
"It is a strange feeling to be watch by men as I walk down the street."
"Why do people in downtown Toronto have GREAT DANES for pets?"
"I've seen more Eskimo jackets in Toronto, than I did in Northern Alberta!"
"I bit if I farted no one would know it was me?"
"I thought someone gave me a wedgie, but it turned out I grabbed the wrong underwear."
"When night comes, I want to stay up. And when morning come I want to sleep."
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